April 27, 2011
It’s Wednesday night and I’m sitting in the Dallas Airport. My flight got delayed from 10:50p to 11:47p…I’m a litttttle peeved seeing as I have to be to work at 8 a.m. tomorrow and once I land I have a 45 min drive from Oklahoma City airport to home. Not to mention a 45 min drive to work tomorrow morning…sooo let’s see that leaves me with a catnap of about 1:45 a – 6:30a if I DON’T shower. 4 hours and 45 min. Awesome.
BV, I don’t know how but somehow I said “see ya later” today. I hate goodbyes, they are too final for me and so I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I know I’m gonna see you again I just don’t know when…that part scares me a little bit but you’ve taught me I can’t take this short life for granted. Nobody knows when they may have days, years, hours, seconds left to live. BV I don’t know how you knew but somehow I think you knew you were only going to be given a short time here with us on Earth. You lived with such passion, such kindness, you were the Good Samaritan and like they said at your funeral “everyone’s Best Friend”. I know you were mine. (best guy friend that is) Kelc stole the BFFTDDUP…sorry. It saddens me that you can’t be there to hug me when I’m sad, wipe my tears when I cry, and when I need a cheer up call be that voice that makes me smile and laugh. But I will hold onto the memory of your face, those TURQUOISE blue eyes, megawatt smile, one curvy eyebrow, perfect straight teeth, round little chin, I close my eyes when I miss you and there you’ll be. When the memory of your face starts to fade I will look back on pictures and try to remember again. I know as the years go on I will forget bits and pieces but that is why I started writing down ALL of our memories. So I will never ever ever forget. I pinky promise Beev. I don’t think I’m ever going to understand the why, I can make up a thousand different reasons that could Maaaybbeee make a little sense and then I talk myself out of it. There’s no reason in this entire world why God wanted you, other than you were simply too good. You were too good for Earth he needs you up there for some odd reason. Someday, when we meet again I will ask you and my questions will be answered.
I hugged your mom and dad, told your mom Thank you for blessing me with you in my life and that I was so happy to meet them. I blew you a kiss and pressed it on your silver titanium casket today, I told you I loved you and asked God to send you on a safe journey to his Kingdom. Dobbe, Alex, Kelci and I were your only college friends that went to your burial today… we thought about getting Qdoba in honor of you but somehow the crew decided on Fazzoli’s instead and I must admit since I was a first-timer it was AH-Mazing. The entire ride back I missed you. I couldn’t help but think that me you and Kelc shoulda been riding in the back seat while we giggled and annoyed you to your last nerve. I miss you teasing me and fighting with me…I miss how you would make me so angry inside but I couldn’t stay mad at your for more than a couple minutes because you’re so dang cute. That’s another thing…damn you BV… we all have to stay down here and get old and wrinkly and fat while you will remain the ripe glory-age of 23 for the rest of your Heaven life, lookin all fresh and cute. Hate you for that! ;) you know I never hate, only appreciate. Ughhh Gosh Beev, sometimes I really miss you. I loved to laugh and I feel like it was contagious hearing me laugh made you laugh, and vice versa. And throw in a Kelci giggle and we were alwaysss always laughing when it was the 3 of us.
It wasn’t right being in your hometown of Appleton without you to show us around. We passed your high school: Appleton West, Went to the Fox Valley mall where you probably shopped countless times in high school, attempted to drive around and look for a liquor store after your funeral so we could at least have a beer to celebrate your life! BV we failed on that last one…if only you had been there to first tell us “guys it’s after 9. You’re not buyin anything tonight” and secondly, all liquor stores in a 10 mile radius are going to be closed at 9:06 pm, don’t even try Walmart. They have all their beer out but it’s not for sale. We tried. I wish with all my heart I would have visited Appleton with you, met your family before all of this, and you could have showed me around. There’s no use wishing tho because that chance has passed. I am thankful I could make it home for your funeral and meet your family, see all of our college friends again…much needed and gave me the strength I needed to make it thru this. I know I’m not alone. I have you, I have my family, I have my friends together we’ll make it thru this. I love you Beev. Time to go check and see if I can check into my flight yet.
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